The seemingly natural instinct/desire to make my house a home

You know it's kinda odd, Ive lived away from my family's home for about 7 years now, and in all that time I never really focused on making my living space homey, for lack of a batter word. Sure, I would coordinate colors when I bought things for my bedroom or whatever, but I think I always felt like I was passing through, like I was on somebody elses territory maybe- the college dorm, my grandma's house when she was in the nursing home, I had room-mates, etc. I'd set up my space to be functional rather than warm and welcoming.

Now that I am married, its been kinda a turn around. Pretty much immediately I wanted to do everything I could to make our apartment warm and inviting. I want colors to coordinate, I want things to seem warm, fresh and attractive. I try my best to keep it clean, but that isn't always good enough, the mess seems to get away from me sometimes.

 Whats strange about it is not the act of making the house "cute" but the feelings I have surrounding the issue. I feel duty bound to do it. Like, it says something negative about me as a woman and wife if I don't try to make my home a space that my husband and guests will love to be. Yet, its not a fear or obligation that keeps me cleaning, sorting, organizing, decorating; rather, I get a sincere JOY out of making my house look nice.

We are on a very tight budget and we are trying to keep out possessions to a minimum since we plan to move when our lease is up in about 6 months. As a result any beautifying has been a very sloooooow process. Unfortunately, my husband does not see the value in making the place look nice and any attempts I have made to express to him why I feel the NEED to make it homey have fallen on deaf ears so I feel silly trying to do much to help it look better. However, for my birthday my dad sent me a gift card to a big, evil box store for 40 bucks. I decided to use it to buy a few things Id been desperately wanting to do. I got area rugs for the bathroom, a pretty shower curtain, a step can for the bathroom (we have not had a can in there since my dogs would get into it) and some curtain rods to hang some curtains that somebody gave us in the living room. I got some good deals and even had 3 dollars left over. As soon as I got home, I set up the bathroom. It looks AMAZING! I love it! Then I put up the curtains. They are about 6-8 inches too short for the window, but whatever, I'm okay with it. I think it looks nicer than just the mini blinds we had for privacy.

I'm pretty handy and creative, so I have made a few things around the house and plan to make more/improvise more. For example, we have this tacky lamp in the living room that I would love to decoupage over or something, and I want to paint some art for the very, very blank walls. This place could be nice. Ive also been going through tons of our stuff and getting rid of what we don't need. Mike made enough money selling his extra instruments on craigslist to buy a new computer that we have been needing. Ive given things away on Freecycle and we are dropping off a box at the salvation army today. Theres still more to go through and get rid of. We don't need all the clutter! We sold all out coffee tables, end tables and bedside tables for $20 on Craigslist because those things are just a magnet for clutter. The place looks a lot better without them. I gotta figure out what to do about papers, those are my other big clutter problem. We have a file cabinet, but we still seem to amass a LOT of papers....

Proverbs 31:27-30
"She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness,
Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
'Many daughters have done nobley,
But you excel them all'
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the LORD,
she shall be praised"

Oh boy, I still have a long way to go to be like the woman in the 31st chapter of Proverbs! I especially need to work on the idleness, I spend way too much time on the computer. But I want to set these things as my goal, and I feel like it is my calling to minister to my family (which right now consists of just me and my husband) and I feel making my house a home is one way I can do that.

Anyways, I just thought I would share about this strange new experience of decorating a home and the joy it brings me. I wonder if anyone else has experienced this? It makes sense to me, I think God made women to be homemakers, so I can see why he would give us that desire and instinct. Its kinda cool.

A Spiritual drought, at Christmas none the less?!?

I don’t know exactly what has been going on lately, but I have really been having a hard time connecting with God lately. When I pray, I have a very lonesome feeling not much different than when I’m talking to a wall. I want to skip church (but haven’t been) and reading my Bible, although it seems like a good idea, just hasn’t been happening as much as it should. I just feel so, disconnected!




It doesn’t make sense because I know Jesus is what my soul needs. It feels confusing because even as I look forward to the celebration of Christmas, I can’t pull myself out, and prayer hasn’t helped yet. I was skipping around my apartment the other day after M and I put up our tiny Christmas trees. My dogs looked at me funny and I just told them that there was no way they could understand the JOY, and HOPE that is intrinsic in Christmas. Christmas is celebrated at the time of year when Jesus was most likely conceived within Mary by the Holy Spirit. Mid to late December is also the darkest time of the year. So God, who IS light, came to us in human form during the darkest part of the year. The child would grow into the man that would be crucified for our sins, so that WE….so that WE could have a relationship with the almighty God, the maker of the universe. How cool is that????



So then, why am I disconnected from the God who would do that for me lately? I have a few ideas…one is that I have anger, resentment and rebellion in my heart. I don’t want to get into the specifics, but suffice it to say that sometimes, when we are Christians, we think our good behavior, our ability to follow rules (even when done with the truest of intensions) sometimes causes us to believe that we should be spared certain turmoil in life. HA! Imagine that? We think we are so holy that we can somehow opt out of the difficulties of life. It’s laughable when I put it in those terms. But I think that is what has happened to me…and that is basically the sin of pride. So I have the normal (and less-than-normal) hurts of life come along and I feel HURT. But then PRIDE steps in and we add on top of that HURT feelings of ANGER, RESENTMENT, and REBELION and NO WONDER I am feeling disconnected from God! I think I *just* figured out my problem…why didn’t I write this out before?



Thank you Jesus, for your mercy and grace. I know you hate pride. Please teach me to accept what you have for me with humility and joy.

God is giving us plenty of practice with the "in sickess and in health" part of our vows

Well, it started the last day of our honeymoon. I got SOOO sick! My husband drove 8 hours straight through from our honeymoon to our hometown instead of staying the night over in another state like we had planned. We ended up in the ER that night when we couldn't get my fever of almost 104 to break. I had a really bad kidney infection which had me out of commission for a while. Just two weeks into our marriage I got to learn that my sweet husband is a VERY good care taker.

Unfortunately, I kept getting sick! Just a few weeks ago I posted on facebook how sweet my husband was for staying up with me all night, rubbing my back and getting me everything I needed- all the night before a big exam at school. I really am blessed by him.

Well, now its my turn! M is soooooo sick. It came on like a cold but got worse and worse/ He missed school today and I finally had to take him to the VA hospital to get checked out...it turns out my sweetie has a bacterial and viral infection as well as a double ear infection. He's miserable. The doctor gave him several medications and instructions to do several things...So I have been trying to take care of M and do all the things on the list. It said he needed HOT fluids, so I bought him teas, apple cider and things for me to cook as soup. Check! It said he needed yogurt, So I got him some Organic dairy yogurt (Hubby's lacto-veg, not vegan like me and the dogs) as well as some soy yogurt. Check! It said to keep the house humid, so I bought and set up a humidifier. Check! It said he needed a special pediatric nose spray so I drove to three pharmacies around closing time in the dark till I found it. Check!

I was feeling so terrible having to drive around to so many different stores to get all this junk! LOL. I just wanted to be home with him, rubbing his back and magically making him feel better. :-(  Anyways...I just made him some "Feel Better Miso Soup." I figure if the probiotics in the yogurt are good then Miso  must be good. I actually halfway feel like his being sick is my fault cus I have been meaning to make Miso Soup to help boost our immune systems. I just haven't till now. Uggg.



Z's Feel Better Miso Soup

Ingredients:
6 cups water
2/3 of a block of firm, organic tofu cut into small cubes
2 cups frozen veggies (Actually I prefer fresh veggies always but this is faster to free you up when you or your honey is so sick)
2 cloves of garlic, minced.
2 cups of cooked organic brown rice
1 heaping tablespoon of VegSal
2 tablespoons of Organic White Miso

Add first 6 ingredients to a pot and let simmer. Remove from heat and let cool slightly. Add Miso paste in small increments so it mixed in easy. DO NOT ALLOW THE MISO TO BOIL. Serve hot.

I just feel terrible seeing M so sick. Hes really bad. Im happy though that I can try to help him feel better. I want to take good care of him! He's such a blessing to me.

Okay..now I have to go cuddle with my man. Later!

I got married...

I have taken a looong hiatus from this blog and you may wonder why. Well, the day after my last post, I started dating the man I would end up marrying. I was not looking to date and I certainly was not looking to get married at this point in my life, but sometimes God has other plans for us. Looking back at the last year+ of my life, its pretty clear to me a now that God was preparing me for marriage- I just didn't know it at the time. So I have known the man who is now my husband for over a year, I'll call him "M". He was in the co-ed Bible study at church with me. Its a fairly small church but we have a good number of people in the 20 something age bracket. Anyways, I could tell the story some time if anybody is interested...

Our wedding was June 28th- it was beautiful, emotional, wonderful, spiritual, homey, everything-I-wanted despite being imperfect! My husband and I are absolutely in love and its been wonderful to start this journey together. Now my husband and I are getting used to being married and despite all our premarital counseling, its been a shockingly challenging adjustment! I'm blessed to have a strong Christian woman as a mentor in the absence of my own mother to help me and encourage me along the journey and that is really helpful. I'm realizing more and more that don't know everything I need to in order to be the godly wife I so desire to be. Thankfully my husband is extremely patient with me and we both try to be gracious with one another as we figure things out. :) I think I'm surprised at what a challenge the transition is. I thought that since my husband and I love each other so much, since we both long to put God first in our lives and frankly, because we both tend t be so easy going that the transition would be a easy one...boy was I ever wrong! Now, I don't want anyone to get the impression that anything is WRONG, certainly its not. Its just that neither of us have ever been in this position before and there is a lot to learn. I'm sure anybody who has been married knows what I'm talking about. :)

So far, in the first three months, some of my/our biggest challenges have been:

• Scheduling! Even though I put nursing school off for a year to be able to be at home more, we have a LOT going on. My husband is a full-time student (He's on the GI bill since he's a veteran so he is paid for being enrolled in school- that's where most of our income comes from.) I still go to school part time and work THREE part time jobs. Then we are very active in our church and at the end of everyday sometimes we can hardly drag ourselves to bed, never mind go on dates! I cannot IMAGINE if I was juggling nursing school on top of all of that.
• I've become very emotional and sensitive. I try not to be overly so, and I never used to be but sometimes I just get hurt so easily by comments my husband makes that really shouldn't bother me so. I'm not sure why this has happened. :-/ My husbands a pretty wonderful guy and doesnt make especially hurtful comments, so I don't know what my problem is.
• Learning to communicate tenderly even when I'm in a terrible mood. As a single person I could have taken some time to myself to calm down, and center myself- even when I lived with many other people. I now have to learn how to communicate in an appropriate way when my husband very much wants to be cuddly with me and I'm trying to DO SOMETHING and am feeling very agitated. This happens quite a bit and its tricky to navigate. Its taken me quite by surprise because I've never really considered myself as snappy before. I've hurt his feelings a number of times and its blown up into an argument on more than one occasion. :-( I can see that this could really become a toxic trend if I don't learn to break it!
• My husband has had a really hard time adjusting to life with two large, active dogs. I had two Queensland heeler crosses before we got married and they are now living with us in our less-than-700 square foot apartment with us. Ive had dogs all my life so its not a big deal to me. Although he likes dogs, he never had one before and I think he is suprised by what a handfull they can be. Its been a rough change for all of us because of this, but things are getting better.
• As a Christian couple who was seeking to honor God with our relationship, we saved physical intimacy for after the wedding...Having this new dynamic in our relationship is both wonderful and challenging. I'm OBVIOUSLY not going to share any details here but I do want to say that although I am SO HAPPY we waited, there have been a few times where I have asked God if having us wait is supposed to be some kind of joke. There are so many aspects to adjust to as a married couple and for me, this is one of the most difficult components for some reason. I don't know very many women who had to learn to integrate this part of the relationship AFTER marriage. Most people I knew handled that challenge at a different times in their relationship than right after the marriage and sadly, there have been times I have envied them for being able to break up the many challenges into smaller chunks. I'm terribly ashamed to say that I have even questioned whether I would advocate to my own children "waiting for marriage" considering how challenging that it is....But in my heart, I KNOW that God's plan is absolutely the best plan and even though it comes with added challenges, I think my husband and I did it the right way. I also know in my heart that I could not have handled the emotions that come along with this part of a (marriage) relationship without the absolute assurance and confidence that I was with the person I would be spending the rest of my life with and that it was pleasing to and blessed by God. I also trust that it will continue to work itself out and that God will give us the grace to learn from it and grow together. I will absolutely advocate to my children to save physical intimacy for marriage.

Okay, now some of the TREASURES of our first three months of marriage:

• Waking up to each other every morning and enjoying coffee with the person I love most in the world. :)
• I've been sick a few times in the past few months, first with a kidney infection and more recently with a stomach thing and my husband was SOOOOOOOO sweet and tender to me. Truly the servant leader he's called to me. It touched my heart deeply.
• Having somebody there to share our struggles and disappointments with. The other day I was feeling extremely down because of a test grade I got and my husband was so encouraging and really made me feel better.
• Having somebody there to share victories with. My husband got an amazing grade on a test for a subject at school he had really been struggling with and it was wonderful to be excited for him and proud. He worked really hard to do that.
• Our (almost) daily Bible studies together. Its wonderful to be growing closer to our savior as we are growing closer to each other. We have also started attending a new couples small group at church called "Love and Respect." Its supposed to be very good and we are excited about it.
• I LOVE cooking for my hubby! It makes me feel all girly and domestic and capable. Feeding people healthy, yummy vegan foods is my love language!
• Being called "Mrs. C_____" by the kids during the summer VBS program!!!! :-D
• Reading Dave Ramsey's book "the total money makeover" and making a goal together to get out of debt together (and stay debt free) putting it in place and in just three short months paying off two debts and anticipating having the rest paid off by next September!!! (We both had a few small loans before we got married for school stuff and we had to borrow a little money for the apartment we are renting but we are paying that off TODAY and we paid off our wedding rings last month!)
• Despite it's challenges, the physical intimacy as well as the emotional and spiritual intimacy is absolutely a blessing to our marriage.
• His willingness to sell his truck so I could go to nursing school, my willingness to put nursing school off a year to focus on our new marriage. We both grew to respect each other a LOT from that week.
• Not having to say "Good night and good bye"at the end of the day and just being able to say "good night" as we fall asleep in each others arms.
• His protectiveness over me, his calling the cops when we had reason to believe I was in danger because of a situation at work. And his subsequent refusal to allow me to walk the dogs with him at night during that time because he wanted to keep me safe. <3>
• His playing the guitar for a concert of one- me.
• The way he looks at me when I'm looking scrubby- like I'm the most beautiful creature in the world
• Our camping honeymoon and the dreams we share of living in the country one day.
• too many more to list

So, I'm a happy girl, but I'm definitely a spiritually and emotionally GROWING girl. Haha...I guess now I can start to record that journey!

Read through the Bible in a Year

Ahhh....New Years Resolutions are upon us. Every year, for as long as I can remember (since like second grade??)...I have had a "new years resolution" to read through the Bible in a year. And every year, I have failed dismally. In order to read through the Bible in a year, I have always tried to read a little each day in order to not have to read like 6 books in one day to get caught up. Last year, i had my reading for the day emailed to me. That worked till about April, when I got so far behind that I gave up on the read through in a year thing. The positive thing about 2009's attempt at reading through the Bible is that I now carry my Bible around with me at all times. So i can read it whenever I have a spare minuet, or if I am thinking of a verse and want to remind myself just how it goes, or if I ma facing a particular struggle and need to remind myself what the word of God has to say about it, etc. But the effects of my abandoning the Read the Bible in a Year plan is; My "quite time" gets reduced to a few minuets a day, a few days a week and my spiritual walk suffers. Its sad. Whats even sadder is that this has repeated itself for nearly two decades, year after year. While I am POSITIVE I have read the Bible in its entirety, I think its important for me to read the whole thing in a relatively short period of time so I can see some themes, patterns and so forth. In addition to the "reading in a year" I also usually do a devotional to help me focus on a specific part of scripture and really just dig in, looking for personal applications. "Better is a little with understanding" as the old expression goes. So, once again I am making it my goal to read through the Bible in 2010. sigh. I have renewed dedication this year though, Over the last several months I have seen some heresy develop in some of my friend's faiths. These are friends with whom I was raised side by side, and fed on a relatively similar diet of Biblical teaching. Ive given a LOT of thought to how this happens and the conclusion i have come to is that in my upbringing, and in my friends upbringing there was a strong emphasis on Spiritual connectedness with God. On the Spiritual feelings and leadings. I am not saying I don't believe these things are important they are, but these things I think were emphasised OVER Bible reading. My friends and I have all probably read through the Bible at some point. We memorized Scripture and some of us still do, but I think the danger came in when we "pretty much know what the Bible says." The Enemy will use any and all opportunities to poison of minds, and even our religion. The blessed thing about the Word of God is that if you follow its teaching and hold everything up against it as a measurement of accuracy, you can scarcely go wrong. I believe its a lack of being entrenched in the Living and Holy Word of God that breeds this heresy and in some extreme cases for people to abandon the faith all together. While trying to determine what to say to my friends who have adopted strange faiths, I realized Im at JUST AS MUCH RISK of believing a false doctrine when I am not studying the scriptures daily. AND, I cannot effectively talk with my friends about the things they now believe that are unbiblical, because I have a hard time finding specifically in the Bible where it teaches contrary to what they now believe. So, Read through the Bible in a Year, take 18 (or so)....

• This year I am going to print out a chart with all the chapters of the Bible and cross them off as I go. I think this will encourage me and help me not fear when i get off track for a few days, because I can pick up again anywhere.
• I think I will also start reading in the minor prophets and the epistles, instead of the books of Moses and the Gospels...just to mix things up....
• I'm going to blog about my reading progress and about the treasures I find in the Word.
• I'm going to once again enlist the support of my Christian Mentor...but in order to do that I have to start working on my devotional again because she believes that was helpful to me when I was doing it before. It really, really was. And, as my Mentor, I respect her opinion on the matter....I need to do a devo with this Bible reading anyways....
• I'm going to look for other people who are reading through the Bible in a Year OR who are working on reading PART of the Bible every day or however many times per week...

Any of you doing the "read the Bible in a year" as your new years resolution? Any old pros out there who can offer me tips? Anyone looking for an accountability partner? I want to make this my New Years REVOLUTION!!!!

When considering health care and immigration, its important to identify the different family forms and immigration status of each family and indeed each individual within the family. Immigrant families may consist of all legal immigrants, a combination of legal and undocumented immigrants, legal immigrant citizens and legal immigrant non citizens, foreign born children adopted by US citizens, and families in which the children were born in the US (and therefore full citizens and not immigrants at all) but the parents are either legal or undocumented immigrants as well as refugee families. The reason it is important to identify these family forms is that immigration status has a huge impact on an families ability and willingness to access health care. As little as 50% of immigrant children have health insurance (including medicaid) compared to only 15% of non-immigrant children, coverage is even lower for adult immigrants. One of the reasons that so few immigrants have access to health insurance is that in 1996 legislation called Personal Responsibility and Opportunity to Work Act which stops government assistance for legal immigrants for the first five years in this country. Undocumented immigrants generally have no health care. When an individual has no insurance they are less likely to seek preventative treatment such as well child visits, prenatal care and treatment for chronic conditions and more likely to use the emergency room as their primary form of health care. Many immigrant families are reluctant to seek health care even if they are here legally and have insurance because they have a close family who is in the country (and maybe living in the same home) as an undocumented immigrant and they fear triggering an investigation which could result in that loved one being deported. Other barriers to quality health care include lack of familiarity with accessing US health care, limited understanding and communication skills in English and limited financial means to pay co-pays etc. Immigrants are at increased risk for many health conditions not found in the general US population including preventable diseases that most US born children are inoculated against, such as Hepatitis B and chickenpox. As well, there may be health problems that boarders of the US as are undiagnosed, including tuberculosis, parasites, HIV, AIDS, diabetes, and Hypertension, to name a few. Limited money may lead to poor quality or insufficient food, anxiety and depression. Children in particular (who have no control over where they live) are at risk for mental health problems due to the trauma of a move and because of stresses that may have occurred in their country of origin to precipitate to move. Health care should be available to all individuals residing in the US because infectious diseases can be spread to anyone regardless of their immigration status. In other words, whole communities can be at risk when individuals are not receiving proper health care. Additionally when persons use the emergency room as their primary means of health care costs of care go up for insured individuals i order to compensate for the inability of some to pay their hospital bills for conditions that could have been prevented with care such as prenatal doctors visits. In the city of Hartford there are some services available to all individuals, with or without health insurance that do not actively seek to exclude undocumented aliens. Those include Burgdorf medical clinic which works on a sliding scale so that individuals can access affordable care. Their services include preventative and acute care for children, adults and pregnant woman. They have walk in appointments and HIV clinic hours and provide screening for a wide range of diseases. The Malta House of Caring is a mobile clinic that moves around to different areas in Hartford and provides non-emergency care for free. They treat basic ailments and administer medication and make referrals to other care providers in the Hartford area for conditions they are not equipped to treat.

O Christmas tree, O Chrsitmas tree!

As a family we trudge through the field, silent, ever ready for the attack. Eyes wide open we are alert, hunting for the perfect specimen. Sizing each each living thing up we compare it to the last, the next- this one is too skinny, that one has a full body...finally we spot it slanding boldly in a patch of golden sun. There, the one we have been looking for. Its perfect, magnificent. Its reaches into the air as if in a permanent salutation to the sun. Its perfectly symmetrical and the suns rays reflecting it gives it an otherworldly glow. its breathtakingly beautiful. We circle around it slowly, as if we are afraid that we might startle it into running for cover...We find no flaws. Yes, its the one...We raise our weapon and deliver the death blow. Helpless, our victim cannot move or run away, We wield our weapon again and again- mercilessly until it is completely cut off from its life source. It falls to the ground and we descend upon its body, binding it tightly. The children whoop from the joy of victory. As a family we drag its body off, the children pulling almost uselessly at its limp limbs. We pay the man at the gate and load our prize onto the roof of our four-door sedan. On the way home we sing carols as the windshield wipers flash back and forth, pushing snowy flakes from our path. Finally we arrive at our destination. The corps is unloaded and we drag it into the house. The mother pulls boxes from the closet, preparing for the next part of the ritual. The father curses as he attempts to make the dead body stand erect to give the illusion of life as the children look on. The ropes come off the body and are replaced by colorful bulbs. The family decorates the already decaying body with shiny baubles. Our lives seem to revolve around our prize for the next several weeks. Guests come in and admire our handiwork, not a word is said about the fact that there is a dead body in our living room, its as if nobody is aware or cares that it was once a living, breathing being. Three weeks later, the decorations are removed from its body after the mother curses about the pieces that fall from its dead frame. And its dragged unceremoniously to the curb of the family home, forgotten, with the rest of the Christmas trees. Like my prose? hehe...I'm not a huge fan of the whole Christmas tree chopping action that happens around this time of year- if you couldn't tell. It really disturbs me. I'm 23, most the trees that are killed and rot in homes around the country are my age. In their infancy, really, as trees go. Trees in town centers and ones like the one in Rockefeller center are much much older, some well over 100 years. They spent years basking in the suns rays, withstanding strong winds that sought to overturn them, using the nutrients in the soil and rain to grow stronger and taller, they housed and fed birds, squirrels and bugs- only to be chopped down, adorned with colorful ornaments and left to dry up in our living rooms for some number of days before we drag it off with the rest of the holiday litter. My father and his wife plan to get a "live tree" this year, an ironic term, if you ask me. They attempt to comfort me by telling me that it was a tree specifically grown for this purpose. I suppose that is meant to assure me, just as its meant to be a comfort when I'm told that the cows, pigs and birds that make their way to the table were "grown for that purpose," but that's another entry. While it bothers me on a micro level that trees are treated this way, I also finding it a concerning phenomenon in society. We spend about 48 weeks per year preaching that we need to save trees and plant trees and help the environment. The other four weeks or so between Thanksgiving and Christmas we turn our backs on the philosophy in the name of tradition. I think this ritual is particularly confusing to children who are very concrete and black and white in their thinking. Why would they grow up concerned about deforestation if they are trained from a young age to participate in it every December?Regardless of whether or not the trees used for the holidays are replaced sustainably or not, the whole idea seems in opposition to the values we are trying to promote as conservationists. I challenge those who want a "live tree" to opt for an actual *living* tree, that is one that is potted and can be brought in doors for the season then planted outdoors when spring arrives.Wouldn't that be a lovely tradition to begin with your family? Having a beautifully decorated tree living in your home for the Christmas holidays and planting it with the arrival of spring, perhaps around Easter for another tradition? For Christians that could be a handy way of reminding children of the necessary connection between the two holidays. For pagans and others it is a nice way to celebrate the changing of seasons. Most importantly, it would be a wonderful opportunity to replenish the earth and to teach the next generation about the importance of good stewardship for the planet.

Doing my bit to stimulate the ecconomy and give job security.

I hear recently that Obama's stimulus plan with the "cash for clunkers" program was a total flop. I think this was a great way to get really polluting cars off the streets but do think its a little bit of a silly way to stimulate the economy. Well, The stimulus plan before Obama's was not really great either...the trouble is, that during and economic downturn artificially stimulating the economy is pretty silly. Most of the stimulus money during the Bush administration was used to pay for bills/debt/groceries/etc, in other words it was used on essentials- not on consumer goods like the hope was. I know I certainly used it to buy necessary things. So, those methods don't work, I'm not sure what will...I try to do my part to help people when i can. I occasionally use a full service gas station (and always tip even though Ive been assured they don't work for tips) and I pretty much refuse to use the self-check-out at the grocery store (although I don't tip my clerk ;) ) I'm realize this is like a tiny spit wad in the ocean of the problem, but if everyone made it a point to use full service a few times a month (even though they have to pay a little more for it) and quit using the self check out full stop (even though they would have to wait a little longer) at least two professions would have slightly more stable jobs.

Am I made to be a helpmeet or a person?

So. Gender inequality will be the topic of this post. And I tread lightly... So...I've made a conscious decision not to actively pursue romantic relationships right now. I feel like relationships take so much effort- effort that I want to put into other things....into things that I feel are more likely to be fulfilling and satisfying. Right now, I'm focusing on finishing school, becoming who I am meant to be and...well, changing the world. I have these ideas about how I want my life too look when all is said and done...I want to help people...I want to be a nurse and go and treat the poorest of the poor. I want to teach people in tiny villages how to boil the water to get rid of the bacteria that kills their babies with diarrhea...I want to foster children, I want to adopt children....I want to have a sanctuary for farmed animals...I want to set up clinics and train people how to cure each other...I want to teach children how to grow a garden and how to build a model of a cell and, and I want to do it all in a mud hut if need be! Man!...all that's soooooo important to me. And it takes a LOT of energy to do! It's all I've ever wanted to do-its what I feel called to do...My parents told me I have told them this since I could talk and I can't even fathom being happy doing anything less with my life. Growing up, I'd always just figured I NEEDED a man to do those things. I ASSUMED there would be a man. But now I realize I can do all those things on my own, and its really empowering. I have taken the attitude that I'm not looking for love...but if love finds me while I'm doing what makes my heart glad then, yea!!! But if not...that's okay too. i have tried dating, and yes...yeah, I have been hurt...but that's not the reason I'm not "looking." In dating I have come to realize that my life goals are NOT COMPATIBLE with the majority of the population. Not all persons would be okay with hiking three mile to pull there own water from a stream! So I don't see the POINT in looking for relationships and putting all the effort into one when I actually doubt that it could work anyways. And I especially feel this way because I actually had a couple girl friends who USED to want to do the same things I do, who have decided to give it all up and be married and live the "American Dream." I'd honestly rather be dead than end up like that! So, if love finds me as I'm covered in mud, digging a well with a bamboo shoot-grand, I'll take it. I'll welcome it with JOY. I'm not putting things on hold to find this "true love" or really even to actively date.... The last of my friends are getting married this month. By December it will just be me and my younger sister in the single gals club (and my sister is actively trying to get out of the club, her goal in life is to be a "house wife" and if that's what will make her happy- God bless it!) A friend of mine recently told me she finds what I am doing really selfish...that I'm not willing to sacrifice any of what I want in life to have a chance to grow with a person as a person and by knowing a person- that I wont quiet my busy life to look for this person who I suppose is supposed to complete me. Oddly, I found that really hurtful, even though I completely disagree with it. Maybe I just wish she could understand. Anyways...here's my point, since I have abandoned having traditional goals for my life i have heard all of the following "Well, its natural that you should be lonesome, women were made to be men's helpmeets...'it is not good for man to be alone.' Why are you so opposed to dating?!?! What are you HIDING from?" Soooo...apparently, the expectation is not only that I SHOULD be married, but that i cannot be happy unless I am married. Would I hear these things if I was a man? I don't think so. I wonder how much of what I hear is because I am so involved in the church? Or is it just society at large? Should I be looking for a husband? I totally agree with the concept of women being keepers at home- if they want to be. But what if they want to do something else with their lives? What if they feel a calling on their lives? And whatever happened to men being the one to pursue the woman? Why is it suddenly my job to "find" a husband?

Where the Wild Things Are

One of the many privileges of being a nanny is that my job often includes things like taking the children to movies I wanted to see anyways! I've seen Harry Potter, Toy Story 3D , Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs and most recently Where the Wild Things Are. What I really liked about this movie (and the book it was based on) was that it dealt with anger...anger is such a taboo emotion in our society. In the film Max is faced with HUGE feelings of anger...he doesn't really seem like he knows how to deal with them, which isn't at all unusual either for a child his age or in this society where we tend to pretend anger doesn't exist. Max ends up running from his mom in rage and finds refuge in a clan of imaginary, great monsters who recognize him as King of the Wild Things. Max unleashes his angry energy by creating, destroying and wrestling...at one point in the film he sees that there may be some negative consequences of his rages when he sees how he has hurt some of the other Wild Things (as he hurt his mother.) Max eventually seems to ride out the tide of the angry emotion and decides to "return home" where his mom embraces him in a hug and seemingly all is forgiven. The Bible tells us "Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger." (Ephesians 4:26) So there is no question then, that we may be angry. Further, we are created in the image of God, who is described many times as being angry with various situations in the Bible. Additionally, we see Jesus (rightly) angry at the people exchanging money in the Holy Temple. Anger is surely a core human emotion. Our charge then, is to learn to to be angry without sinning. Max may have messed up (sinned) in that he disrespected him mother, but he was right not to let the sun go down on his anger. Its essential that we all develop healthy and holy responses to our anger and teach them to our children or the children in our care. An important part of that process is to identify anger, not attempt top bury it but rather release it, and before the sun goes down!. Try things like tearing paper, making angry music on the piano, finger painting, screaming into a pillow, going for a run or punching a punching bag. If you notice you are often angry, and triggered by minor things, then it may be time to explore that further. Although anger is a core emotion...God is "slow to anger" and I think we should be too. Love in Christ, Zealia