Sunday, November 1, 2009
Am I made to be a helpmeet or a person?
So. Gender inequality will be the topic of this post. And I tread lightly... So...I've made a conscious decision not to actively pursue romantic relationships right now. I feel like relationships take so much effort- effort that I want to put into other things....into things that I feel are more likely to be fulfilling and satisfying. Right now, I'm focusing on finishing school, becoming who I am meant to be and...well, changing the world. I have these ideas about how I want my life too look when all is said and done...I want to help people...I want to be a nurse and go and treat the poorest of the poor. I want to teach people in tiny villages how to boil the water to get rid of the bacteria that kills their babies with diarrhea...I want to foster children, I want to adopt children....I want to have a sanctuary for farmed animals...I want to set up clinics and train people how to cure each other...I want to teach children how to grow a garden and how to build a model of a cell and, and I want to do it all in a mud hut if need be! Man!...all that's soooooo important to me. And it takes a LOT of energy to do! It's all I've ever wanted to do-its what I feel called to do...My parents told me I have told them this since I could talk and I can't even fathom being happy doing anything less with my life. Growing up, I'd always just figured I NEEDED a man to do those things. I ASSUMED there would be a man. But now I realize I can do all those things on my own, and its really empowering. I have taken the attitude that I'm not looking for love...but if love finds me while I'm doing what makes my heart glad then, yea!!! But if not...that's okay too. i have tried dating, and yes...yeah, I have been hurt...but that's not the reason I'm not "looking." In dating I have come to realize that my life goals are NOT COMPATIBLE with the majority of the population. Not all persons would be okay with hiking three mile to pull there own water from a stream! So I don't see the POINT in looking for relationships and putting all the effort into one when I actually doubt that it could work anyways. And I especially feel this way because I actually had a couple girl friends who USED to want to do the same things I do, who have decided to give it all up and be married and live the "American Dream." I'd honestly rather be dead than end up like that! So, if love finds me as I'm covered in mud, digging a well with a bamboo shoot-grand, I'll take it. I'll welcome it with JOY. I'm not putting things on hold to find this "true love" or really even to actively date.... The last of my friends are getting married this month. By December it will just be me and my younger sister in the single gals club (and my sister is actively trying to get out of the club, her goal in life is to be a "house wife" and if that's what will make her happy- God bless it!) A friend of mine recently told me she finds what I am doing really selfish...that I'm not willing to sacrifice any of what I want in life to have a chance to grow with a person as a person and by knowing a person- that I wont quiet my busy life to look for this person who I suppose is supposed to complete me. Oddly, I found that really hurtful, even though I completely disagree with it. Maybe I just wish she could understand. Anyways...here's my point, since I have abandoned having traditional goals for my life i have heard all of the following "Well, its natural that you should be lonesome, women were made to be men's helpmeets...'it is not good for man to be alone.' Why are you so opposed to dating?!?! What are you HIDING from?" Soooo...apparently, the expectation is not only that I SHOULD be married, but that i cannot be happy unless I am married. Would I hear these things if I was a man? I don't think so. I wonder how much of what I hear is because I am so involved in the church? Or is it just society at large? Should I be looking for a husband? I totally agree with the concept of women being keepers at home- if they want to be. But what if they want to do something else with their lives? What if they feel a calling on their lives? And whatever happened to men being the one to pursue the woman? Why is it suddenly my job to "find" a husband?